What Makes a Good Role Model? 7 Characteristics that Make a Real Impact

Role Models are people who others imitate, emulate or look to for guidance. There are good role models who inspire greatness in others and bad role models who are what we call "bad influences." There are even anti-role models, pegged by the media as "bad girls" or "bad boys" who serve as good examples of what NOT to do if you want to become a successful, respected person.

Every parent wants their children to have positive role models who have the characteristics that inspire them to want to be (and become) their very best. While there is some variation in every parent's definition of what it means to be a good person, the following 7 characteristics remain constant.

Positive role models;

(1) Model positive choice-making: Little eyes are watching and little ears are listening. When it comes to being a role model, you must be aware that the choices you make don't only impact you but also the children who regard you as their superhero. Someday, they will be in the same predicament and think to themselves, "What did s/he do when s/he was in the same situation?" As a role model, you can't just "talk the talk" and tell others to make good choices. You must put them into action yourself.

(2) Think out loud: When you have a tough choice to make, allow the children to see how you work through the problem, weigh the pros and cons, and come to a decision. The process of making a good decision is a skill. A good role model will not only show a child which decision is best, but also how they came to that conclusion. That way, the child will be able to follow that reasoning when they are in a similar situation.

(3) Apologize and admit mistakes: Nobody's perfect. When you make a bad choice, let those who are watching and learning from you know that you made a mistake and how you plan to correct it. This will help them to understand that (a) everyone makes mistakes; (b) it's not the end of the world; (c) you can make it right; and (d) you need to take care of it and be accountable right away. By apologizing, admitting your mistake, and repairing the damage, you will be demonstrating an important yet often overlooked part of being a role model.

(4) Follow through: We all want children to stick with their commitments and follow through with their promises. But as adults it can sometimes be difficult to demonstrate follow through when we're tired, distracted, busy, or overwhelmed. To be a good role model, we must demonstrate stick-to-itiveness. That means; (a) be on time; (b) finish what you started; (c) don't quit; (d) keep your word; and (e) keep going even if things get difficult. When role models follow through with their goals, it teaches children that it can be done and helps them adopt an "if s/he can do it, so can I" attitude.

(5) Show respect: You may be driven, successful, and smart but whether you choose to show respect or not speaks volumes about the type of attitude it takes to make it in life. We always tell children to "treat others the way we want to be treated" and yet, may not subscribe to that axiom ourselves. Do you step on others to get ahead? Do you take people for granted? Do you show gratitude for others? It's often the little things you do that make the biggest difference in the way children perceive how to succeed in business and relationships.

(6) Be well rounded: While we don't want to spread ourselves too thin, it's important to show children that we can be more than just one thing. Great role models aren't just "parents" or "teachers." They're great learners and challenge themselves to get out of their comfort zones. You may be a father who's also a student of the martial arts, a great chef and a treasured friend. You may be a mother who's a gifted dancer and a curious photographer. When children see that their role models can be many things, they will learn that they don't need to pigeon-hole themselves in order to be successful.

(7) Demonstrate confidence in who you are: Whatever you choose to do with your life, be proud of the person you've become. It may have been a long road, but it's the responsibility of a role model to commemorate the lessons learned, the strength amassed, and the character developed. It's true; we can always improve, however, children need to see that their role models don't suspend their confidence until they achieve "one more win" or "lose 5 more pounds." We must continue to strive while being happy with how far we've come at the same time.

While it may seem like a great deal of pressure to be a positive role model; nobody is expecting you to be superhuman. We certainly wouldn't expect that behavior from the children who are looking to us for guidance

Characteristics of Pre-Teen Aggressive Boys

If we understand the characteristics of preteen aggressive boys, we can find ways to help these youth to be less aggressive. This was the purpose of a recent study. To this end, the characteristics of 231 boys ages 2 to 12 were assessed. The problems, treatment needs and resiliency of this group were evaluated. Youth with assaultive behaviors were compared to youth with no assaultive behaviors. Understanding their characteristics will help inform the direction that treatment needs to take.

[b]Boys[/b]

Of the entire sample, 11% were under the age of 6, 29% were between the ages of 6 and 8, while 60% were ages 9 to 12. Ninety-eight percent of the sample were from rural and suburban areas of the mid- Atlantic region of the US. Eighty-four percent were living at home with their parents and 16% were in the care of an agency. Forty-four percent had a history of assaulting others and 56% did not have such a history. However, 80% had a history of moderate to severe behavior problems and 20% had histories of no or mild behavior problems.

There were similarities among the families of the assaultive boys that were not shared by the families of non-assaultive boys to the same extent. Significantly more (69%) of the families of assaultive boys had histories of family violence, than the families of non-assaultive boys (56%). Similarly, a greater percentage of the families of assaultive boys (65%) had low warmth and high conflict when compared to the families of non-assaultive boys (39%). Additionally, significantly fewer (1/3) of the families of assaultive boys used appropriate disciplinary practices (not too lax or too harsh and consistent), than the families of non-assaultive boys (1/2).

A greater percentage of the group of assaultive pre-adolescent males had skill deficits when compared to non-aggressive same age group of boys. More of the assaultive boys had deficits in problem solving, social, and anger management skills and the ability to have remorse for their misdeeds.

The behaviors of the two groups of boys were compared, as well. There were no differences in the percentage of each group that was known to abuse substances, running away from home, harming animals, or truancy. These behaviors occurred at very low rates in both groups. There were significant differences between groups in the percentage of boys that engaged in fire setting, delinquency, bullying others, and school behavior problems. Significantly more of the assaultive boys engaged in these behaviors than non-assaultive boys. The only behavior engaged in by more than half of the assaultive group was school behavior problems. In terms of resiliency factors, approximately ¼ of the assaultive boys and ½ of the non-assaultive boys were engaged in some type of positive activity. There were no other differences between groups on any resiliency items.

There were no significant differences between groups on the rates of psychiatric or neurological problems or distribution of IQ, However, A greater percentage (61% or 76) of the assaultive group were identified as having attachment problems than the non-assaultive group (31%). The assaultive boys were more than twice as likely to have attachment problems as the non-assaultive boys.

So while we see that there are some differences in the percentage of the 2 groups that have a particular problem, these differences do not totally separate the groups. It was hypothesized that the greater the number of problems and the fewer the resiliency factors, the higher a youth's risk for violent behaviors would be. This appeared to be the case.

Conclusions
The assaultive boys were more than twice as likely to have attachment problems as the non-assaultive boys. having attachment problems meas that it is likely that the assaultive boys were raised in homes where they were abused, neglected, or exposed to domestic violence. Additionally, young assaultive males were twice as likely to lack remorse for their victims. More than half of the violent boys had anger management, problem solving and social skill deficits. Significantly more of the assaultive group of boys engaged in delinquent and bullying behaviors, fire setting and school behavior problems. A greater percentage of assaultive boys came from families with histories of violence, high conflict and low warmth, and inappropriate disciplinary practices.

Studies have indicated that high conflict, low warmth, violence, and inappropriate discipline in the home can lead to attachment problems among children. it has also been reported that attachment problems can be associated with problem solving, anger management and social skill deficits in children. These skill deficits can lead to delinquency and school behavior problems. The more of these problems that a youth and his family have, the more likely a youth will continue to have serious behavior problems, such as violence.

This information supports the research that youth with violent behaviors and their families have multiple problems and need multi-faceted treatment that addresses the needs of the youth and his/her family. It also points out that the domestic violence of parents is significantly related to the violence of the youth in their care. We must advocate for assessment and services for the children who are in households where there is domestic violence. It also points to the needs for families to be included in the interventions for youth who are at risk for violent behaviors.

Characteristics of Pre-Teen Aggressive Boys